Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Kicking n Screaming

A blog about becoming myself

In my life, I never thought I’d do a lot of things.

I never thought I would get married.
I never thought I would become a mother.
I never thought I would have the opportunity to travel the world and work to improve the community I grew up in.
I never thought I would start my own business.
I never thought I would write a book and
I sure as hell never thought I would write a blog.

It wasn’t that I lacked imagination, what I was missing was far more essential than that.

I lacked faith in my own potential.

When I finished my first book, Order of the Seers (OotS), a friend of mine encouraged me to try and get it published, which I’m now trying to do.  In my research on the business of books, one of the things I’ve learned is that agents and publishers expect you to have an “author’s platform” in place  - which means a website, a blog, and a twitter account and facebook page filled with thousands of people just waiting with baited breath for every word you write.  (As a side note, you might wonder - if you had all that, why would you need a publisher?  That’s a question I’m still trying to answer.)  

Making the decision to start this blog was part of my effort to conform to that expectation.

But, I don’t like conformity.  I don’t like doing anything that doesn’t feel like me.  So I waited and wondered, why I, a very private person, would write a blog, in an attempt to share my thoughts with people I can’t see?

The answer came to me at 3am last night, while I was reading the reviews I got for OotS when I posted the story briefly last year.  As I went through each comment, it was almost an out-of-body experience.  I just kept thinking that I couldn’t believe I had written something that made people laugh, cry, get excited and be inspired.  Was that me? Really?

Since I finished posting the story almost a year ago, I’ve been busy.  My husband and I bought and sold a house, moved to the suburbs, had our second child and helped our oldest child acclimate to pre-k.  

In between all that, I had managed to eek out a rough outline for the OotS sequel.  But I still haven’t finished all the research that I need to do or felt the energy to write. That, I’ve been telling myself, is why I haven’t been writing. 

After 2 hours of reading reviews, I knew those weren’t the only reasons the sequel has remained stuck in my head.  

The truth is that I’ve been unconsciously afraid.  Afraid I can’t write a sequel that is equal to or better than the first.  Afraid that I don’t have any more good ideas and mostly just afraid to put myself out there.  That’s when I realized why I need to write this blog.  Because fear is not a way to live.  I realized it’s time for me to step all the way out into the full potential of me, my writing and whatever else I’m meant to be and pursue.

The title of this blog was supposed to be a joke about my aversion to /ineptitude with all things technical, but as of 3am this morning, I realized that the title of this blog is really about me and the long, hard, crazy-sweet road to becoming who I am today and who I will be tomorrow.

And I’m game for it.  I just needed another reminder of who I am and what I’m capable of.  To all those who took the time to tell me they liked my story, thank you.

Now, I’ve gotta go.  I have a sequel to write.

If you’re out there, thanks for reading!

~ Cerece

1 comment:

  1. Hi Cerece,

    I saw your post over at My Name is Not BoB writing site. I thought I would take a peek at your site. I liked it very much. I signed up to get email updates as I would love to hear more about your stories.
    When you have some time check my poetry and writing site: http;//charmainelizabeth.blogspot.ca